Knock on that door! It was the first sentence that came to my mind while I positioned myself outside again this morning. Now today was a bit different as I wasn’t quite sure if I had to keep on doing this early morning session outside anymore. The last few weeks our son has been pretty moody and uncontrollable and I suddenly realized yesterday, the timing matched exactly with the moment I started my morning meditations and writing. The thing is, that we always cuddle a lot in the early morning. He is five years old and always sneaks into our bed around 6.00 AM. The exact time I got up these last few weeks. So yesterday, after ten minutes outside realizing this, I packed up my things and joined him for a big hug. And after that I doubted whether I should continue. I made myself a promise to keep on doing this on a daily basis, but whenever I felt like doing it. And sometimes I write, sometimes I don’t. Now this morning when I woke up, I felt I wanted to go and sit outside. So that is what I did. And what happened? Ten minutes later I heard a knock on the kitchen door. It was our son…I felt deeply moved and asked him to join me outside under my blanket. He folded himself up in my lap and told me he missed me and wanted me to be there when he woke up. It was one of those miraculous moments.
How often do you do it? Knock on someone’s door and ask for help? Be completely vulnerable? Too little probably, but it is never too late. I had a lot of difficulties with that as well. When I got to sit at home with a burn-out at the age of 22, working around the clock in this marvelous corporate job, I was sent to a therapist. Of course this burn-out wasn’t something that just had to do with my job, it had to do with the way I lived my life. Always wanting to be seen, accepted in any social circle. With a manager that at that moment was not capable of managing his department the way it should have been, and impossible for me to make contact with, my energy got drained. So this therapist wasn’t a choice. I had to go there. She told me this metaphor I still use.
In your head, is this boardroom. A beautiful room, with nice pictures on the wall of things you like. There is a large table in it with chairs around. Now you get to sit at the head of this table. But somehow I couldn’t see myself there. There were loads of people, everywhere, dancing on the table even, but I couldn’t find myself. Finally I saw myself, sitting in a corner, watching scared to everything that happened in there. Then she made me do something so relieving. She made me send all those people away. And close the door. I don’t remember how, but I managed to do this. And then, she told me to sit in the chairmans’ chair. And I did. After that, she told me to send everybody out, who came in uninvited or without knocking and asking for permission. I got to choose who was sitting at my table.
Now once you get this boardroom organized, realize that all people sitting at that table, are people who are there for you at good and bad times. With whom you can be vulnerable. If not they shouldn’t be there. So take your pick and stop carrying your burden by yourself, because you are never alone and you will be surprised of how many other people recognize your problem and are very well able to help you out. So…Knock on that door!