‘Once you know, you can’t not know it anymore’, is what Alan Seale told us during the Manifestion Wheel. But when do you know? The problem is I know by feeling. I can’t really explain those feelings as they are just not to grab and hand over in rationalized written words. I just know. Sometimes things happen and I see why. I can even tell what the lessons of the things happening are. But saying things out loud is something else. Because then the ego comes around: what if you’re wrong? That is where I am now. I wouldn’t dare say out loud what I know just yet. And when at all I only should when asked for and just to the people involved. And above all that, I’d rather see it happen and then have the trust in my own feelings built itself slowly.
But besides the ‘what if you are wrong’, there is another challenge showing up here. I’ve noticed that lately I’ve come in these situations where I know I have to ‘just be’, but if I would, people would judge me for not joining them in their, what they don’t know, is ego-thinking. And I can’t explain it as the other persons ego has full control and wouldn’t want to hear me knock on their door. People do strange things, and we can forgive them because they are ignorant. So nothing to blame there, as I understand where they are and they just don’t know it yet. But I do, and I’d love to bury my head in the sand sometimes. And I am very aware of the moments I do that. Because there are moments in my life I just don’t know how to match the complied Judy with the real one. As when everybody around you is used to you ‘being someone’ and with that put you in this box. So…where do I get the courage to ‘just be’? Being aware is not something you can for just a moment, you have to live in the awareness in order to bring your calling. And I am determined to do that. I didn’t come this way to drop everything again now because it seems easier.
It’s funny how we turn into these egoïc persons. As we are definitely not born like that. I remember very well that at some point, when I was a child, it suddenly appeared to me that if I wanted to fit in, I had to start having an opinion. That’s when I willingly switched into being an egoîc person. My aunt even told me my blog wasn’t unexpected at all. Whenever I wrote them a letter or a postcard, it was written like I write my blog now. So it has always been there, in me. It was just not the time to show up yet. But now I know. And I can’t not know it anymore.